Day One

The Morgan Mission of ’10 – How 8 Texans and 1 Mississippian Saved the World

In early July I received a notice that a special team was being requested by the U.S. government for a covert mission into the upper Midwest. This mission was code named “Brits in the Ozarks”. I immediately contacted members of our elite team and laid out our clandestine plan to infiltrate this meeting. On September 16, 2010, we met at our top secret rendezvous place in McKinney, Texas, laid out maps, and headed north.

Bob Nogueira, Judi and Bill Boyles, Traci Murphy, Ronnie and Blake Flener, and Carolyn and I made up the Texan troop. Joe Speetjens from Mississippi would make the rest of our group once our mission was underway.

The route from McKinney to Springdale, AR, took a circuitous route through Malvern, AR. The reason this was done was to throw off any spies just in case we were being followed. Under threat of a severe penalty from the CIA, I could not disclose the true intent of our journey to anyone. Instead, I told everyone to just have fun and spend as much as they wanted. In reality, only now can I reveal that the true goal of the mission was to save the world from total financial collapse. Our government’s plan was for us to first stabilize the U.S. economy by spending as much money as we could. This, in turn, would then get other nations of the world to follow the lead being set. We had seven days to save the world, and the clock was ticking.

At our assigned meeting place on the morning of September 16, 2010, we immediately started trying to accomplish our mission by buying petrol and food. At exactly 1 and ½ hours past our scheduled departure time (this was done to throw off any foreign agents), we headed out. Our drive took us through many small towns in northeast Texas, southeast Oklahoma, and southwestern Arkansas. We arrived into Malvern, AR, at the agreed upon place and time, only to find our hotel rooms already occupied (by thousands of flies and bugs). Assuming this was some sort of trap by foreign agents, we immediately sought refuge at another hotel a few miles away; this was fine, as the newer hotel was more expensive, thereby helping us on our quest to spend as much as we could. Joe (AKA “Heavy Foot”), a fellow agent from Mississippi, met up with us and explained how his “stealth” paint that he had painted on his +8 had failed to dry properly, thereby allowing him to be seen (and stopped) by a highway patrolman while exceeding 100 mph. Once Heavy Foot showed the officer his agent’s badge, he was allowed to proceed with no further trouble. After a day of hot driving, a cool evening was waiting for us, whereby we continued to spend more money at a nice, local eatery.

September 17, saw all six cars head north through two national forests with terrific Morgan highways. Lunchtime found us on top of the highest point in Arkansas – Magazine Mountain, aptly named after the person who started the monthly publications of Life, People, and Oprah. The view was spectacular, with U.S. drones (made up to look like buzzards) circling nearby as we continued to spend more money by having lunch in a magnificent log hotel. After lunch, we headed on northwest to Springdale, all the while finding one enjoyable Morgan road after another. Once we approached Springdale, Traci, myself, and Carolyn, pulled off to allow the other cars to pass us while pretending they didn’t see us. After spending more money at a local petrol station, we proceeded on to Springdale where we joined up with the others.

After donning our disguises as clean and properly dressed citizens, we joined other British car owners in the romantic parking lot of the Holiday Inn. Excellent conversation accompanied an excellent dinner hosted by the “Ozark Iron” folks. (Morgan events do not get any better than this, folks, so no matter how many miles you have to travel, make this event next year – but I digress.)

September 18 found all of our agents plus another 130+ driving to a park where more great conversations and viewing of all agents’ cars was allowed. It was a hot day – so hot that if I didn’t know better I would have sworn that the nation of Crotoria had perfected their death ray and was focusing it on our group. But, we survived, spent more money, and then enjoyed a very entertaining evening of speeches, awards, and good food.

Because we assumed we were being followed, on September 19 our group split into two – with Judi, Bill, Bob, Carolyn, and I headed to a place code named, “Keokuk”. The other agents headed south, with Joe first verifying that his stealth paint (AKA “cloaking device”) was properly dried and that he could safely drive at any speed without any chance of being seen or stopped. The last word we received from him was that his paint performed brilliantly.

For our group heading north, the morning mist and haze was reminiscent of the hills of Tennessee as we headed east on route 412 – it was a very scenic road with wonderful curves as if they were designed especially for Morgans. We spent more money as we went, hoping that our infusion of money into the economy was starting to have the positive effect we expected it to have to save the world from total collapse. To throw off any spies that might be following us, we found more scenic and winding roads heading north through the middle of Missouri.

At approximately 5:30 PM, we arrived into Keokuk, Iowa. Keokuk is a very picturesque town located on the bluffs overlooking the Mississippi. We spent more money that evening and the following morning. Then we spent a good part of September 20 just crawling along several beautiful streets (one that was aptly named Morgan Street) that were lined with stately 4000+ square foot homes with views that were simply breathtaking. We pulled into one driveway to look at the view and person sipping coffee on his patio came over to say “hello”. As it turns out, his name was Morgan, which was quite a coincidence considering the makes of our cars. We had a nice chat with him, and then we drove over into Illinois for lunch (spending yet more money), and then headed north to Bettendorf, Iowa, for a lovely evening of dinner on the banks of the mighty Mississippi. (Where, of course, more money was spent.)

We decided to split up once more in the hopes of throwing off anyone following us. On September 21, Carolyn was dropped off at the local airport for her return trip to Dallas, while the rest of us departed at the crack of 9:15 AM for yet more undiscovered Morgan roads along the eastern banks of the Mississippi and then into Missouri where more fine roads led us to Clinton, Missouri for the evening. More money was spent attempting to save the U.S., and on September 22 we all headed south. By accident, we split up somewhere in northern Arkansas or southern Missouri (none of us are exactly sure – that’s why we split up!), but we met for wonderful bar-b-cue in Siloam Springs, Arkansas. More money was spent, and we headed south once again. Somewhere in southern Oklahoma about sundown we decided to split up once again, with Bill and Judi heading into a local village to spend more money. Bob and I headed west, spent some money for petrol and dinner, and then made way to our respective homes for the evening. Bill and Judi returned to Dallas the following day.

When we started our journey the world’s financial was precarious to say the least. The DOW was hovering around 10,100, and the U.S. dollar was at an all time low against the Chinese Yuan. When we returned a week later, the DOW closed at 10,650, and the U.S. dollar had rebounded nicely to assume its strong position against other world currencies. Our government sent us a letter of gratitude, along with the understanding that we stand ready to roll again to spend money if and when our country calls upon us. Mission accomplished.

Agent Darrel